So, my priest is officially my alt now.
I waffled back and forth over the issue for the better part of a week. I was very stressed about the decision and have been stomping around the house in a state of great agitation while I weighed out the pros and cons of the choice. I always had the same thought running as a mantra in the back of my skull as each point and counterpoint of arguement vyed for attention: “is this what is best for the guild?”
Is it? Is it really?
I need a break from healing. The guild needs healers.
I want to play my hunter more than anything. I like playing my healer.
I’m a very good healer. Am I a good enough hunter?
We the officers keep telling people to play what they want to play and how they want to play. Do I get to do what I want, too?
Can I live with the guilt of knowing I’m leaving my healer and dpsing when my co-leader wants to do that too but isn’t?
What will my officers say? What will the guild say? And what will they think but not say?
I don’t know if it was just my inner turmoil or if I really was getting the cold shoulder from my officers for the first week. The first week while I logged the priest on maybe twice, and had brought the hunter to level 74. And maybe it is still my inner turmoil that is making me feel like I’m getting a frosty reception from the guild at large these days.
Am I wrong to want to have fun? Am I making up flimsy justifcations for doing what I selfishly want rather than what I should be doing as a responsible Guild Leader?
I’ve QQ’d at length to a few folks that I thought would listen, and been told the same sorts of things by each of them:
“You’re the Guild Leader, you do what you want.”
“Play what you want to play, it’s a game. You’re supposed to be having fun.”
“You can always recruit more healers.”
And my responses are always the same:
“I’m the Guild Leader. I have a responsibility to the guild before myself.”
“I have fun healing, I really do.”
“Oh? If it’s that easy, you do it.”
Now this is why I love my co-guild leader so much. She finally came to me and asked me if I was upset with her. I just about started crying. I told her that I was so worried she was upset with me and I had been sort of avoiding her because I didn’t want to make her more upset. It sounds very silly (not tomention very girly) but I think it’s a prime example of why our leadership works so well. We care about each other very, very deeply. She told me to just play my hunter and enjoy it and it was like the hand of God coming down on my soul. It was such a relief to hear it from her and for the next few days I gloried in my hunter.
Over the past few days, though, I’ve heard some grumblings from the guild that there aren’t enough healers and there won’t be enough to raid with. As well, there have been a few very pointed comments about me not being on my priest. So I made a post on our forums today and officially told everyone I will be hanging up the healing wings, at least for a little while.
I’ve seen that a few other Guild Leaders have decided to change classes and I’ve taken heart from that as well. I’ve realized that we have no officers who play dps roles, and our dps really needs some leadership. I need a change to keep the game exciting and fun and fresh for me. I want to try raiding from a different standpoint, I want to try leading from a different standpoint.
And if it doesn’t work, well I can only hope that my pride isn’t so much I can’t polish up the halo and put it back on, dents and all.